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The PHD comics are a wonderful thing.I subscribe to them, because they make me feel less insane.

Guest Blog: “Coping with Comps: An Ordeal of Faith”

Part 2 of 2
(Read Part 1 here)

by Gregory Jones, Kent State University

The peace that God granted me that day lasted for quite a while.  Being human, however, I eventually began to doubt God’s voice yet again.  I thought maybe God will allow me to fail once, but then pass on the second attempt.  I, like Thomas, doubted the voice of God, desiring to feel with tactile certainty that I would pass.  My wife (a near saint in her own right) continued to assure me that she had a, “peace,” about it.  The only thing more powerful than women’s intuition is God-breathed women’s intuition.  I did not even trust her.  I continued to doubt.

This was an ordeal of faith, to me, wrestling with comps.  No matter how much I read or studied, I still feared the questions the examining professors might ask.  I became obsessive with my desire to “fill gaps” in my knowledge base.  I became convinced that I, a man, could do enough, work hard enough, and prevail on an individual basis.  This is a faulty, worldly perspective.  This process was never about me, yet I made it about me.

I eventually took and passed the written portion of my exam.  I failed one section on it, ironically my specialized area, the American Civil War.  This is what I began to call “divine irony.”  I do not believe, at least since Jesus’ brief visit to the Earth, that God takes revenge on our doubting.  However, I do believe that this was a moment where God laughed at me, yet like a good Father also comforted me in my trial and frustration.  Some combination of teaching me humility and trust in Him, ultimately this failure made me stronger.

After studying for a week, I walked in to my oral comprehensive exam relatively confident.  I had been assured by another good sermon that God would continue to be in control of my life and that I needed to make sure to thank Him for His work and blessings.  I did these things.  I was, as far as I could Earthly prepare, ready for my exam.  The first question was not difficult, yet it stunned me.  After about an hour of feeling completely confused and ill prepared, I (again) doubted God’s will and slumped my shoulders.  I assumed my performance was so terrible that I lost most semblance of decorum and began answering with nonchalance.  I gave up.  It was as if my giving up allowed God to fill the void.  When it was no longer about myself, I believe God took care of me.

Now skeptics will say that this was no ordeal of faith at all, but merely a man’s struggle with the nerves of comprehensive exams.  I disagree.  The days that I experienced peace and contentment were the days that I relied upon God’s plan for my life. The days that I experienced immense horror and fear of the unknown were the days that I “leaned on my own understanding.”  This blog is not meant to be a sermon that necessarily makes you live your life exponentially differently.  However, if you do not know your Calling, seek it.  If you do know your Calling, rest assured that God has His best planned for you.  Concentrate on the days of peace and blessing, not the days of doubt.

AHA Recap

Happy new year, everyone!

It was good to see some of you at the AHA. And welcome to those of you who are new to the blog!

CFH hosted a great panel with members discussing their medieval history books. I’m an Americanist, but try to always attend a panel outside my area (so as not to get too stuck in my own box). I found it very fascinating.

That evening, Point Loma Nazarene University (where CFH president Rick Kennedy professes), hosted a lovely reception for CFHers. The history building overlooks the ocean and we were there in time for the sunset.

Make plans to join us in Boston in 2011!

We’ve got more exciting things coming on the blog this semester, stay tuned!

Happy Holidays!

Just wanted to wish you all a safe and restful holiday break. I pray Advent will be a meaningful time of reflection. We’ll be back on the blog mid-January with part 2 of Greg’s reflections on comps, plus much more!

Also, we hope to see you at the AHA!

Artist: Robert Hutchinson

Prayer: “Grant that the spirit of the Christ-child may dominate our lives in every way.”

CFH at the AHA

AMERICAN HISTORICAL ASSOCIATION CONFERENCE, January 9, 2010

It’s coming up quickly! CFH will present a coffee-donut hour and plenary session at the AHA  in San Diego on Saturday morning. Beth Allison Barr (Baylor University), Caitlin Corning (George Fox University), Melissa Harkrider (Wheaton College), and Kurt Werthmuller (Azusa Pacific University) will present a session titled: “Community, Identity, and the Vocation of Laity in Medieval and Early Modern Christianity.”  Dwight Brautigam (Huntington University) will chair the session.

We have more social events planned so if you are interested please contact Lauran.

Guest Blog: “Coping with Comps: An Ordeal of Faith”

Part One of Two

by Gregory Jones, Kent State University

First let me say God is gracious.  Sometimes we over use the word “grace,” one of the most beautiful words in the English language.  However, having successfully passed doctoral candidacy exams this week, I can honestly say I feel God’s grace.  The point of this blog is to explore the comprehensive exam process as it relates to faith.  After all, perseverance is a Biblical mandate.

When the comps process began I was honestly very optimistic about the entire ordeal.  I thought it would be a time to become an expert, and then display that expertise in front of the professionals that I have grown to respect.  That perspective functioned well for several months of studying, meeting, and waxing eloquent about the classic works of history.  Then, unexpectedly, I experienced the doom and fear of failure.

The funny thing about “Calling,” is that it allows us to be certain that God’s plan will prevail in our lives.  For some, Calling is a radical career shift after twenty years of experience, for others it is a surety from grade school or high school.  I knew I wanted to be a professional historian sometime in high school, but it was solidified during my experiences at Geneva College.  After a few trips to hear colloquia and several good discussions with professors, I realized that God’s will for my life was to teach (my pure passion) and write about the past.

Despite that Calling, that certainty of God’s plan for my life and career, the fear of failure began to encompass me.  I had confident meetings with my examining professors, yet I still felt inadequate.  I could not get myself out of the way and let God do His work.  I pushed on in my studying, focusing almost entirely on the books, facts, and interpretations I could not remember instead of the wealth of information God helped me store in my brain.  Call it pessimism or broken human nature, but despite the Calling I felt, I still doubted my God.

Throughout this process, I experienced a refreshing and revitalizing new church.  In this new church I met people who were “Jesus” to me.  This may seem a bit out of place in a reflection of comps, but it is not.  From random hugs, handshakes, and conversations about sports, the weather, and missions, I experienced community in a real and meaningful way.  Also, God spoke through our pastor one Sunday.  God reached out and explained to me that there was no reason for me to doubt Him.  He had been faithful in getting me into two graduate programs, getting me through my Master’s degree, and finally through doctoral course work.  Why did I doubt Him now?

When God speaks to you (at least in my experience), it has never been a feeling of ominous presence or the fear the Old Testament prophets explained.  It was an overwhelming feeling of peace.  As I departed the service I told my pastor it was the best sermon I have heard at that church.  Looking startled (and humble), he simply said, “maybe it was just the sermon you needed to hear.”  He was right again.  I needed to hear that God’s Calling was there, but I needed to trust Him with it.  That Sunday, about a month from my comprehensive exam, I surrendered my exams to Jesus.  I told Him that I had given him my career, my marriage, my home, and my future so He could have my exams as well.

Meeter Center Launches New Web-based Resource for Reformation and Post-Reformation Studies

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (October 31, 2009) —

A newly-available research tool,
sponsored by the H. Henry Meeter Center for Calvin Studies and the
Hekman Library at Calvin College and Seminary, promises to aid the work
of scholars from around the world. The Post-Reformation Digital Library
(PRDL) is a select bibliography of primary source documents focusing on
early modern theology and philosophy, spanning publicly-accessible
collections from major research libraries, independent scholarly
initiatives, and corporate documentation projects. The core of the PRDL
project involves the organization of thousands of documents available
in digital form from sources including Google Books and the Internet
Archive. Also included are the offerings of select libraries from
Europe and North America, which are beginning to make digitized forms
of their holdings available to the public. The project covers the work
of hundreds of authors from a wide variety of theological,
philosophical, and ecclesiastical traditions, from figures like John
Calvin and Martin Luther to the Jesuit Robert Bellarmine (1542-1621)
and Jacob Arminius (1560-1609). According to David Sytsma, moderator of
the PRDL editorial board, the current availability of a vast array of
materials is unprecedented in academic history. “The opportunity
presented by this kind of digital access is matched by the challenge to
the individual researcher to deal responsibly and comprehensively with
a broad cross-section of source material,” observes Sytsma, a doctoral
student in historical theology at Princeton Theological Seminary. “The
PRDL is one way to help ensure that the reach of technical
digitalization does not exceed the grasp of the scholar,” he says. The
first stage of the PRDL project involved the collaboration of dozens of
scholars from around the world on a privately editable website, or
wiki. Once a standard level of comprehensiveness was achieved, the wiki
was transitioned to a publicly available bibliography hosted by the
Meeter Center. The site will continue to be updated and users will be
able to suggest revisions via interactive web forms. Dr. Richard A.
Muller, P. J. Zondervan Professor of Historical Theology at Calvin
Seminary and current chair of the Meeter Center Governing Board, notes
the potential of the PRDL to advance research in a variety of
disciplines. “The Post-Reformation Digital Library will be a boon to
both students and professional researchers alike,” he says. Muller also
serves as a member of the PRDL editorial board, as does Lugene
Schemper, theological librarian at Calvin College and Seminary, who
oversaw the migration of the resource to Hekman Library’s LibGuides
system. Members of the PRDL editorial board represent institutions from
across North America and Europe. In addition to Muller and Schemper,
the PRDL editorial board includes: Jordan J. Ballor (University of
Zurich/Calvin Theological Seminary); Albert Gootjes (Calvin Theological
Seminary/Institut d’histoire de la Réformation, Geneva); Todd Rester
(Calvin Theological Seminary); and moderator David Sytsma (Princeton
Theological Seminary). Schemper led a roundtable discussion of the PRDL
and other digital research tools at the Fall meeting of the Chicago
Area Theological Library Association earlier this month. Board members
Jordan J. Ballor, David Sytsma, and Todd Rester are scheduled to
present on the PRDL at a “New Technologies” session at next year’s
annual meeting of the Renaissance Society of America, to be held in
Venice, Italy (April 8-10). Access the Post-Reformation Digital
Library: http://libguides.calvin.edu/prdl

Contact Jordan J. Ballor at (616) 617-7669 or jballor1@calvinseminary.edu
for more information. About the Meeter Center: The H. Henry Meeter
Center for Calvin Studies is a research center specializing in John
Calvin and Calvinism that opened in 1981 and is located at Calvin
College and Calvin Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA.
http://www.calvin.edu/meeter/about/

SSRC

The Social Science Research Council “is an independent nonprofit organization devoted to the advancement of social science research and scholarship. Founded in New York City in 1923 as the world’s first national coordinating body of the social sciences, it is today an international resource for interdisciplinary, innovative public social science.”

This year, the student fellowship competition includes a field on secularization. One of our own CFH grad students participated in the SRCC program last year and highly recommends it. There are several other fellowship and grant categories so take a moment to peruse their site. Applications are due in January.

And have a happy Thanksgiving!

Labyrinth

I know this is a blog about faith and history, but sometimes it’s a blog about faith keeping us sane in our graduate school journey.

I have had a particularly difficult week with my work (and life, to be honest). I have struggled and wrestled with my work in monumental ways, which has in turn yielded little progress. I have come to hate it, to second guess myself, to question my calling, etc. In the grand scheme of things I suppose it’s just a dissertation, but it’s hard to tell yourself that in the thick of things.

As I biked home from my coffee shop/office for the day on Wednesday, I decided to stop at a neighboring university to walk the labyrinth outside their chapel. Labyrinths have a diverse history and record of uses, but churches have long used labyrinths as meditation tools. They resemble a maze, but there is only one way to walk and that way guarantees coming to the center.

I entered with the word peace on my heart and mind, and meditated on God’s peace and guidance as I slowly followed the winding path. About 3/4 of the way through, I became incredibly frustrated. I could see the exit and felt tempted to just walk out. I could see the center, but could not understand how I was going to get there.

It’s the same with finishing my Ph.D. All I can see some days is a tangled mess that I’m in the middle of. I’ve come to far to just walk out, but the path to the end seems impossible. In the labyrinth, I determined to just walk slowly, to just keep moving, to trust that God would help me to the end. And I made it to the center.

I’m trying to apply that 10 minute experience to my life-to just keep walking, to trust, to put something on the page or go to the library or meet with an adviser even when I don’t want to. The end is in sight. And I’ll get there.

Find a labyrinth: World-Wide Labyrinth Locator

Our Love/Hate Relationship with Grad School

“No [one] who worships education has got the best out of education…. Without a gentle contempt for education no [one]’s education is complete.”  ~G.K. Chesterton

I appreciate this quote not simply because I think highly of Chesterton. I believe it speaks to the tension we feel as grad students. We all have days when we curse our books and papers and impossible deadlines. We may disagree wholeheartedly with half the theories, arguments, and approaches of our colleagues and professors. We may struggle against the entire notion of organized academics.

But perhaps that’s not all bad. A “gentle contempt” toward the process of graduate education can keep us alive, on our toes, and constantly moving. If we’re loving every second, then maybe we’re not developing a necessary critical framework for our own lives, work, and experiences. Getting the most out of our academic journey requires us to engage the tension.